


This Is The Best Day Ever

by FinnicFox



Category: My Chemical Romance, No Fandom
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Other, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-04
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-08-19 12:42:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8208421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FinnicFox/pseuds/FinnicFox
Summary: A short story inspired by (and very losely based on) the My Chemical Romance song "This Is The Best Day Ever". "Sometimes you get an ultimate chance.An ultimate chance to doubt your decision, to think about it one last time.Give me another reason to doubt it."





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is not a very happy story but I hope it isn't all depressing either.  
> I wrote it after listening to "This Is The Best Day Ever" by My Chemical Romance. It was one of those storys that more or less wrote itself. I just had to pick up a pen and let the words flow onto the paper.  
> I hope there aren't to many misspellings or mistakes with commas and stuff. English is not my native language so bare with me :').

I cut too deep.

I'm not entirely sure if it was on purpose. Or, should I say,

I'm not entirely sure if my parents know that it was completely on purpose.

I can still deny it now.

You jumped. You can't deny any of it. You can't fool yourself. You wanted to hang yourself. You don't hang yourself unintentionally.

You don't slit your wrists unintentionally, you say.

I say nothing.

I'm not sure what to think, what to feel. Guilt? Pride? Shame?

You had planed it all out. You had made the decision. You tied a noose. You waited for the right moment. You followed through with it.

I had a knife. It just happened. I didn't think about it. Spontaneous decision.

You say nothing and throw a stone off the bridge. I watch it fall, watch how it hits the surface of the water. How it sinks, I think.

It's never a spontaneous decision, you say, it's a thought that grows.

I would never be as brave as you, I say quietly.

You shake your head. It's got nothing to do with bravery.

I can see you looking over to that spot where the bridge meets the other side.

Longingly. Determined.

Even now you've already made your decision.

I'm standing in the middle of the bridge, envying you, and I ask myself what you are waiting for.

You have to want it, you say eventually, Once you've made a decision everything seems easier.

 

_Chaos. Bright lights. The distant, hectic talking of many strangers. Busy movements. The beeping and mumbling of machines. My mother crying._

 

It felt like the best day ever, you say and you look over to that one spot again. Almost dreamily.

I know how you feel.

Every drop of blood that flooded out of me left some space for something that felt like relief. Just a bit different. Maybe more permanent.

You are half the way to the side we came from. You seem hesitant.

My mother used to take me to this park a lot, you say.

I say nothing.

My mother used to cry a lot, I think, but never over me. I used to think nobody ever noticed me. Until now.

You watch me as I throw a stone off the bridge.

I never realized how many waves a stone makes.

You look at me and you're waiting. At the edge of my consciousness I know I am scared.

I'd hoped to never have to make a decision again.

I think about all the things you told me. How you look when I do nothing but listen to you. Just like now.

I hear you, you see me.

Sometimes I'm not sure whether I maybe only think I hear you talk. That's how quietly you talk. But I don't just imagine it. I hear you, I'm sure.

As long as you look at me like no one else does.

You're waiting.

You've made your decision. What are you waiting for?

I don't want to go back.

With every reason that suddenly pops up in my head it gets harder.

Doubt saved me, doubt will be my downfall.

Doubt was my downfall, doubt will save me.

It's a matter of perspective, you say quietly.

I made a spontaneous decision.

Some decisions are less spontaneous than they seem. They are thoughts that grow until after weeks you realize they've been at the back of your head for countless days. Until you take a knife. Completely “spontaneously”. Completely unexpectedly.

Some decisions are permanent. No going back. All in.

Every decision makes waves. That's what scares me.

The waves my stone made go far. They are still vaguely perceptible. My stone sunk. My stone is in a place where everything is quiet. The waves don't bother it. My stone is lucky. My stone never realized it made waves.

Some decisions are permanent. No going back. No second-guessing. No regrets.

Sometimes you get an ultimate chance. An ultimate chance to doubt your decision, to think about it one last time.

Give me another reason to doubt it.

 

_Silence. Dark twilight. The barely noticeable rustling of hospital bed sheets. In the darkness I can just so make out your dark hair on the white pillow in your bed on the other side of the room. Over the barely noticeable humming noise of the machine that helps you breathe I think I heard you say that you like me._

 

You pushed me. With both feet I stand on the riverside we came from. My hand still rests on the railing of the bridge.

As always you are one step ahead of me. You're not waiting anymore.

In this last moment you have to leave me by myself.

This is the first time I see you smile.

Once you decide, it feels like the best day ever. This time you mean it.

The best day ever, no false relief.

I am still doubtful. You already disappeared into the park.

I look back over my shoulder at that one spot. Almost dreamily.

My fingers softly trace the patterns in the wood of the bridge's railing.

 

_Your bed is empty. You disappeared._

Through the window daylight softly falls into the sterile white of the room.

I don't know for how long I've been awake, for how long you've been gone, for how long my mother has been sitting next to my bed, red-eyed and worried.

She gives me a confused look when I ask about you.

We slept for a long time. It must have been a dream.

I still feel like I'm asleep. Even weeks later.

 

The park is full of people. Nobody sees me. I am a stranger in this world. I'm back but I am still dead.

When I see you standing on the bridge I know it hadn't been a dream.

You are standing in the middle of the bridge and you look up. You see me.

I'm standing in that one spot.

You smile and wait and now it makes me smile, too. It's the first time you see me smile.

I stand next to you on the bridge.

Thank you for waiting for me, I say as I softly, but with determination, take your hand.

You drop the stone you've been holding in it into the water.

We don't watch it fall. We only look at each other.

We made our decision, I think as I pull you away from that one spot and over the bridge. We walk side by side, hand in hand.

My fingers softly part from the railing of the bridge as we disappear into the park.

Suddenly everything seems easier. I feel alive.

This is the best day ever.

**Author's Note:**

> I showed this to some friends and all of them were kind of confused. I guess that's partly due to the fact that I intended this story to be kind of vague and open to interpretation. Obviously I have my own interpretation but that doesn't mean that the one you might have is wrong :)  
> If you liked it I would be very happy if you leave a comment. Maybe tell me what your interpretation is? I always like to hear different peoples' theories.
> 
> Keep running, keep fighting and remember that every feeling is temporary. Never lose hope. You can make it through the darkness.


End file.
